Dear Morgan Freeman, a friend claims to have just watched a documentary entitled, “Through the Wormhole: with Morgan Freeman.” Just wondering when you thought it would be kosher to let me know about it…?

Dear Morgan Freeman, thank you for creating Gary Oldman.

Dear Morgan Freeman, do you agree that sleeping till late in the day on the weekend can also be a productive use of your time?

Dear Morgan Freeman, why make butter so tasty if it isn’t meant to be eaten by the spoonful??

Dear Morgan Freeman, what is up with lazy lane changers? Why do they take so long floating on the line?

Dear Morgan Freeman, are the owls what they seem?

Dear Morgan Freeman, what’s the best way to match my sock to my sandals?

Dear Morgan Freeman, what if the hokey-pokey IS what it’s all about?

Dear Morgan Freeman, can you please tell me why Oprah is narrating Life? Sounds like that shoulda been your gig…

Dear Morgan Freeman, what is it about Nickelback? Does Chad (or Kroegikins as he likes me to call him) basically shit diamonds and number 1 hits??

Dear Morgan Freeman, will I see you at the Olympic closing ceremonies? Please?

Dear Morgan Freeman, is it possible to listen to Steve Miller Band’s “Greatest Hits 1974-1978” and not be stoned by the end of the album? I would imagine Threshold has something to do with it…

Dear Morgan Freeman, can you silmultaneously tell every woman in the world not to fart in public? Say something like, “Don’t Fart In Public.” DFIP. Kthxplsluv

Dear Morgan Freeman, do you often “Cush Your Thirst”?

Dear Morgan Freeman, just like Chuck Norris, I know you cut the bullshit.